The Small Talk Survival Guide

Newly revised for Small Talk Season 2024

My favorite season has arrived: Small Talk Season!

Small talk is one of my chosen sports, which makes Holiday Gatherings Season (a.k.a. Small Talk Season) my personal Olympics.

It wasn’t always this way. I used to dread small talk, which so often rocketed me from This party should be fun! to I give up on everything! faster than you can say “Tell me about yourself.” If small talk has ever felt hard for you, there’s nothing wrong with you. I repeat: There’s nothing wrong with you! It’s strange and challenging in general, and it’s especially tough when you’re doing things differently, when the lines between work and life are blurrier than ever, and when we’re all still figuring out how to talk to each other again after literal years of isolation.

The holidays bring even more challenges as feelings run high, the cider is spiked with things one can only imagine, and you’re seeing people you haven’t seen in a while, and/or aren’t in your usual orbit, and/or know just how to throw you off your gorgeously nonlinear path with a seemingly innocuous comment.

One moment you’re enjoying a warm glass of mystery cider, and the next you’re feeling like an unsolvable mystery. That is, until you feel an enthusiastic presence join you at the cider bowl and see that it’s me, with my strange love of this stuff, here to turn things right around!

Last year, I put together a two-part guide for keeping your sanity and self-worth intact through the holidays and beyond. This year, I’ve fully revised it for STS (Small Talk Season) 2024. I’ve kept all of the main elements in place, because this thing is packed:

Part One: Baseline Strategies covers the full small-talk arc, from Preparing to Go In to Changing the Subject to Knowing When to Leave.

Part Two: Classic Questions covers common small talk questions that can be extra challenging for us creative and dynamic types to navigate, including “So, what have you been up to?” and “You still doing all the things?”

Here are a few excerpts to give you a taste:

On fielding unsolicited business advice:

Purity of intention does not mean that you have to stand there and listen to someone telling you Harvard Business Review’s take on something that you could have written the book on years ago.

On reframing familial concern:

Is your uncle really worried about your career, or is he questioning his own life choices? It’s all good, buddy: I’ve got you. We’re going to talk about something else now.

On redirecting the conversation:

Just like the sparkling water you’re wisely drinking to stay hydrated, keep it simple and light: “There’s a lot to talk about there—let’s grab lunch after the holiday madness. By the way, how about that Jaguar rebrand?”

On not singing it all in one night:

You’re a big ideas person and this is small talk: the container can’t hold all of you, and that awareness will help you save those big ideas for the ones that can.

On knowing you’re not alone:

Even the person who looks like they’re boldly moving through the room might just be sporting a strong defense mechanism and will be exhausted when they get home.

On The First Rule of Small Talk:

You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to talk about.

On The Generous Exit:

It’s like a French or Irish Exit, but less AWOL.

I hope this guide will support you in moving through small talk without feeling small. In navigating tough questions without questioning everything. And in knowing you don’t need to bail on yourself just because you’re having trouble explaining yourself. I hope it’ll encourage you to keep going, and keep talking.

I can get real sentimental real quick this time of year (OK: all year), so indulge me for just a moment while I say: I’m so grateful to be having this conversation with you. It’s just the best, and there’s lots more to come.

If you’ve been thinking about joining the full Ecstatic Review experience, which gives you access to things like the Small Talk Survival Guide that are usually just for paid subscribers, you can get 20% off an annual subscription now through the end of the year. As a deep processor who repeatedly misses sale windows, I’ve made this one extra long in case you’re like me.

Gift a subscription to a friend (including yourself) who’d love insights, tools, and lots of encouragement on expressing all that they (you) are:

Whatever experience you choose at The Ecstatic Review, I hope you know how genuinely ecstatic I am that you’re here.

KGKT (keep going & keep talking),