A collection of encouragement

To keep handy & refer to often

I’ve found myself needing some encouragement lately. 

Or maybe I’ve always needed it, and I’m finally done acting like I don’t. 

I need it. Lots of it. All the time. Especially lately. Especially always.

You know that Seinfeld line about coincidences? “There are no big coincidences or small coincidences; there are only coincidences!!!”

Encouragement is like that, I think. Encouragement is encouraging, period. The way that one line of a poem or the sound of someone laughing or a voice note from a friend can really turn things around.

I do love a voice note. Encouraging Voice Notes is one of my love languages and I express it often. Having a naturally enthusiastic voice doesn’t hurt.

Which brings me to enthusiasm. 

If you’ve been in this conversation for a little bit, you know it’s something I talk about a lot. In “Follow your enthusiasm,” I wrote about how it’s an illuminating compass and a strong engine. In “Full-on joie de vivre,” I shared why I’ll always champion its powers.

But enthusiasm, like most things, doesn’t come in an endless supply.

What happens when the engine light goes out? 

For me, I can get despondent real quick.

As Maira Kalman writes in her book Women Holding Things, one I’ve returned to a lot recently:

Sometimes, when I am feeling
particularly happy or content, 
I think I can provide sustenance
for legions of human beings.
I can hold the entire world in my arms.

Other times, I can barely cross the
room. And I drop my arms. Frozen.

The first part of that is how I feel when I’m full of enthusiasm. The second is how I feel when it’s gone. 

Sometimes, like last week, I feel like this illustration from Women Holding Things:

“woman holding a giant boulder” by Maira Kalman via The New Yorker

It’s hard to do anything when you’re carrying a giant boulder around.

So what then?

My answer, or at least my working hypothesis, is encouragement. 

If enthusiasm is an engine, then encouragement is the engine starter. (Is that what it’s called? Let me know, if you speak car.)

Encouragement, in my mind, is warm. It’s gentle and strong. It’s generous without an agenda. It’s not in any rush. It’s not trying to make you do anything, because it knows that you’ll be ready to do plenty once your lights are back on. It’s not worried about that. It’s not really worried at all.

I’m thinking of a quote by Anaïs Nin:

Put warm blankets on me. Turn on a strong, warm voice. A strong voice which comes from the stomach and makes me want to stay on earth.

I was wondering if encouragement is related to courage, and looked it up to find out that sure enough it is.

Encouragement means “the action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope” and its root translates quite literally to “in courage.” And what’s special about that is courage comes from the French word coeur, for heart. 

Which is all to say that encouragement feels directly connected to the heart.

When we’re brave enough to speak from our heart, to put it on the line, to go through heartbreaking things—which, if we’re being human, we’re pretty much always doing in some way, shape, or form—encouragement is essential.

In other words: We need it. Lots of it. All the time. Especially lately. Especially always.

I first learned about the power of encouragement when I was studying voice in grad school. The main thing to know is that vibrations of sound are an important part of how our voice works, and our vibrations thrive when we encourage them. Give even just a little bit of encouragement to your vibrations, and suddenly your voice is flying out of you like you’re onstage at the Met.

You don’t have to fix them, reconstruct them, or give them an action plan. Just warmly let them know they’re doing great.

I bet you already know how powerful encouragement is, because you’ve probably had someone say, “Don’t encourage them!” about you at some point. With the underlying message of: If you’re encouraged, who knows what you’ll do?

For the record, I would very much like to know what you’ll do.

So if you’re like me and you tend to forget everything that encourages you right when you most need to be encouraged, I might suggest starting a collection of encouragement. Keep it handy and refer to it often. Put it near your joy list or your inspiration list if you have those, or the list of karaoke songs that you hold onto so you don’t ever again make the mistake of thinking you have the same range as Michael Bublé. Just me?

Here’s what I’ve got in mine so far:

RuPaul’s laugh
Carol Burnett’s laugh
this man’s laugh
laughter in general
most poems
this one, always
and this one, too
“Bird by bird, buddy.”
Anne Lamott on Wiser than Me
good company
a good playlist
a nice cup of coffee
a hot shower
writing something
flowers on the table
a slice of princess cake
a brisk walk
a leisurely walk
walking in general
disco naps
my dog Rosie
dogs in general
a smart analysis
a dumb joke
people making things
people trying to fix things
people trying stuff out
texts from friends
rants with friends
friends in general
acts of kindness
acts of generosity
snacks
sleep

I’m not going to tell you what to put in your encouragement collection because only you know what encourages you, but I will say that it’s absolutely okay if the things in it seem small or frivolous to anyone else. We don’t need more daunting stuff when we’re already feeling daunted.

Back to Kalman in Women Holding Things, who writes about Cézanne painting cherries through hardship:

Every day is a struggle, and it is not easy. But if you can paint a bowl of cherries, that is something.

Cézanne’s cherries by Maira Kalman

All that matters is that your encouragement collection helps your engine start again.

Encouragement is encouraging, period.

Warmly,

What’s in your encouragement collection? If you’re up for it, leave a comment and share a few! I’d love to encourage you in being encouraged.

And if you need some encouragement in expressing all that you are—along with tangible tools, a strong jumpstart on your portfolio, and flexible language to use right away—Monday is the last day to sign up for What To Say You Do When You Do It All: a positioning workshop for multifaceted people.

There’s more you can read here, and you can watch a little video invitation from me here. If it feels like a big yes, I’d love to have you! And to refer to #10 in my encouragement collection above, you’ll be in really good company: I’m finding the kaleidoscopic power of this group to be the most encouraging thing of all.

A few more sources of encouragement:

Bird by bird

Follow your enthusiasm

Scene Change: The Eames House