Welcome back to The Small Talk Survival Guide—or if you're new, welcome! You can catch up on Part One right here.
As I started working on the holiday edition of this guide (which is actually quite evergreen), it quickly became clear that it could be a whole series—with follow-up series on small talk for job interviews, pitch meetings, Zoom rooms... the list goes on! The great news is that talking is one of my favorite things to talk about, so stick around for lots more on the way.
Shortly after I shared Part One, Spotify's eavesdropping algorithm served me up the “How to Make Small Talk” episode of The Atlantic's How To podcast series. In it, the host Julie Beck says:
I think what's interesting about small talk is, it's like you can't really get around it. Any relationship that you're going to have has to start with a conversation.
It's true, isn't it? Think about a relationship you have in your life, or anything you've made happen—a job, a project, a movement—that didn't start with a conversation. I personally can't think of one. The work of Ecstatic Voice rests on the can't-get-around-it-truth that to bring your brilliant ideas to life, make the moves you want to make, and create your unique way of doing things, you're going to have to talk about them. And on my wholehearted belief that talking is directly connected to doing.
I know: Talking about yourself and your ideas is scary. One of the many good reasons why is because it's so powerful. Words are one of the most powerful tools we have, which is why they and the voices that carry them into the world—especially the ones that are going to change things—are so often silenced in both obvious and insidious ways.
Cool, Cate! What does this have to do with what I'm going to say to that semi-stranger clinking my champagne glass on New Year's Eve?
First and foremost, to remind you how powerful you are. I mean it: It's almost 2024 and I'm done downplaying brilliance! If you're reading this, you've landed in a corner of the internet that is specifically for those of us who are in the conversation of change: because we're transitioning our work, making new things, shifting the status quo, and turning in the playbook that was handed to us in favor of writing our own.
People can feel that, and if they don't get it or they're not comfortable with it for whatever reason, they likely won't tell you that outright. Instead, they might say something flippant (“You still doing all the things?”) or reductive (“How's your little business?”) or put you on the spot (“Pitch me!”) or just stare at you in a way that makes you wonder if you've broken out into hives while all of this is going on.
What I don't want is to see you stop being your creative, dynamic, multidisciplinary self just because you're not sure what to say to someone who doesn't get it. I don't want you to leave that New Year's Eve party doubting that 2024 will actually be your year just because someone looked at you strangely. As I wrote last week, I don't want you to bail on yourself just because you're having trouble explaining yourself.
What I do want to see is your voice leading the conversation that deep down you already know is yours. The one that will naturally connect you with the people who do get it—who will gladly set down their champagne glass so that they can schedule time with you to hear more. The one that will shape your work and make change happen because words are powerful and so are you.
That's the enthusiastic engine behind everything at EV: supporting you in sharing your voice so fully that something like small talk no longer makes you feel small. It might even become something you look forward to.
And on that note: I've promised to share a few of my favorite ways to respond to some classic small talk questions and non-questions that are especially easy for us change-making types to get tripped up by. So in the name of keeping your sanity and self-worth intact as you ring in 2024 and beyond, let's do it!
Happy New Year. You're brilliant.
Part Two: Classic Questions
I've chosen 5 common types of questions that I've personally been asked many times, specifically of the holiday party variety—meaning I'm talking with people I haven't seen in a while, and/or who aren't necessarily in my industry or everyday orbit.
I didn't choose heavy hitters like “Tell me about yourself” or “What do you do?” because I could teach a whole course on answering those—oh wait, I am! If you're joining a January cohort of Tell Me About Yourself, you'll be ready to confidently lead the conversation of those, these, and so much more. Applications close this week, so if you've been thinking about it: apply and let's chat!
"So, what have you been up to?"
When I polled Instagram, this was the most loathed question—and for good reason. Many, actually: Maybe you're concerned that what you've been doing isn't going to translate easily to this person, or you've been doing so much that you're overwhelmed by where to even begin, or maybe you feel like you haven't been doing anything worth talking about (which I'd lovingly and emphatically challenge you on). Or maybe you just don't want to talk about it.
Remember The First Rule of Small Talk: You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to talk about. In that spirit, you can always redirect: “All kinds of things! How about you?” 10 times out of 10, I've found that people are thrilled to answer their own question.
If you do want to share a little bit and see where it leads, I'd suggest avoiding the trap of this question—which is to just start listing things (“I quit my job, I watched a lot of QVC, I walked my dog…?”)—by trying one of these instead: