Big thoughts on small talk

The Small Talk Survival Guide — Part 1: Baseline Strategies

The first time I became aware of my small talk skills was about 10 years ago, when a friend stopped me mid-sentence at a party.

“THAT!” she whispered. “Tell me how you do that.”

“Do what?” I asked, genuinely unaware of what she was pointing out.

“That thing where you completely changed the subject and they had no idea you were even doing it.”

Oh. That.

That is the kind of thing one sharpens over a lifetime spent fielding every question and non-question that those of us in creative, dynamic, and multidisciplinary work get thrown while we’re standing in minefields disguised as casual social gatherings. 

And it’s what I’m here to talk about in Ecstatic Voice's holiday gift to you: The Small Talk Survival Guide!

If small talk has ever felt hard for you, there is nothing wrong with you. It is strange and challenging in general, and it's especially tough when you’re doing things differently, when the lines between work and life are blurrier than ever, and when we're all still figuring out how to talk to each other again after literal years of isolation.

The holidays bring their own challenges as feelings run high, the spiced cider is spiked with who-knows-what, and you’re seeing people you haven't seen in a while, or who aren’t in your usual orbit, or who know exactly how to throw you off your gorgeously nonlinear path with a seemingly innocuous comment.

One moment you’re enjoying a warm glass of mystery cider, and the next you're feeling like an unsolvable mystery.

I’ve put together this guide to help keep your sanity and self-worth intact through the holidays and well beyond. There’s a saying about comedy that it’s just drama sped up, and I think that’s a good comparison to holiday parties vs. other social gatherings—which is to say that you can take anything in this guide and use it all year long.